Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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