So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
