We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
