Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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