I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
