If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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