he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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