When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think people are normalizing furries
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
