You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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