after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i think im in europe. pls send help
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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