Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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