I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize