Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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