One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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