She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
