it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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