I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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