just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
