He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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