dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
