I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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