Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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