I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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