There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
