all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
