Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
