Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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