DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
