hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
