I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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