I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
