Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
