And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
