So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
