Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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