I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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