everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
