Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
