You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
