I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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