remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
