im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
