yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
