The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
