I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
