You work out of a Hotel?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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