Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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