Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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