Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
