Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
