I just saw a hot homeless man
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.