My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.