I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again