Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon