I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'