Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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