Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
