i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
