I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
