You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Congratulations! We have a period
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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