life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
