if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
