is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
