i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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