3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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