Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
