all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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