Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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