I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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