o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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