as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
